10 Brothers

Our youngest son who is now 4 and a half, is a very social child and especially loves children younger than he.  It was this son who in his own way took the death of our baby the hardest.  He doesn't of course understand death the way we do but he remembers "Baby Johnny" in his prayers regularly.  In fact one day he said specifically, "thank thee for baby Johnny, he's a good brother and I love him."  His love for a brother he has not met on this earth, is very sweet.  It is sometimes a little tricky for me though when he asks for another baby brother.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I think maybe right after we told the children, my son went to play at a friends house whose mother had just delivered a baby.  In the car on the way home from the friends house he asked me, "mom, when can we have another baby Johnny?"  I said, "remember, mommies a little bit sick, and I can't have any more babies."  His reply to that was, "well, maybe when you die, we can get a new mom, and she can have a baby."  His priority was to get that baby brother.  A few weeks later he told a friend's mom, "You know what's sad?  Our baby died.  But know what's good?  I think we can earn a new one."  I'm not sure how you earn a new baby but I will do my best...

Today we were at the store where we saw a mother with twins and a baby, all of whom are younger than my son.  He said, "uh, no fair!  They have three babies!"  And I said, "so you would like to have three babies too?"  and his reply, "I wish we had 10 brothers."  I tried to explain that with ten brothers he wouldn't get the one on one time with Mommy and daddy that he so enjoys.  He told me, "that's okay I would play with all my brothers!", then "mom are you sure you can't have any more babies?"  I asked him, "remember how I have that yucky thing that's called cancer?  It would make it really hard for me to have a baby."  Not to mention that I don't think I could even begin to handle raising ten brothers. 

I just thought that since those are some pretty precious conversations, that I should record them, lest I forget.  I love that boy!