Life's Journey

2009-03-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it snowed several inches again today. I am really looking forward to warmer weather, not hot, but warmer. I love when things start to grow and we can get started on the garden again. It's funny how with things like the garden, I do get all excited and work really hard at first and then when the weeds start to take over I get bored and tired of it. I do love those garden raspberries and tomatoes and onions and herbs though.

My baby has been quite the hand full lately. I guess he's not really a baby 18 months is technically a toddler. I just don't know what to do with him sometimes. He likes to hit his head on hard objects when he gets mad at me, which is several times a day. He also tries to hit me when he doesn't get his way. I remember the older kids went through something similar but he is really into it.

This week we went to a tumbling class to watch his brother and he was literally screaming for about 20 minutes straight because he wanted to be in on the tumbling. I finally gave in and let him jump on a room size trampoline but he got mad and started bangning his head on it because there was a boy on the far other side jumping too! He really thinks he is the star 0f the show all the time! Church is just a fiasco. I think people are wondering where all my parenting skills went when they watch him throw his sippy cup two or three rows away and then screams because I don't jump to get it back for him. Hmmm, is there a boot camp for babies? Can I send him away for a couple of hours a week and get a sweet, calm baby in return? Did I do something in my childhood to deserve this?

So much for my acquired knowledge this month...my brain is mush and I'm super tired. Maybe next month. :)

I can be so lame...

2009-03-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I haven't posted but a couple of times and already I have slacked off for several months. Usually it takes me longer to give something up.

But in my defense I did start a facebook profile and have been busily checking it, catching up with old friends etc. I have also been busier in the evenings lately due to my new addiction to "Lost". Yes we started watching it just this year so we have been catching up on all the previous seasons. I cannot believe how much time we have wasted watching "TV" but I must admit it has been fun. I haven't even spent near as much time reading as I usually do and I have completely ignored my kids Webkinz sites (yes I enjoy playing webkinz...just haven't done it lately).

AND - I made these lovely roman shades for my kitchen all by myself with my 1950's era sewing machine - good job me! See, I haven't been wasting all of my time...

Hard lesson learned

2009-01-17T20:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been through a bit of a week. I have realized the hard way that helping someone isn't always what you think it is. I have been doing what I thought was a good deed for someone for two and a half years, only to be thrown to the curb by one of the recipients. It's a little like one of those stories where someone tries to help someone out only to have the person turn around and sue them.

I guess what I have learned is that if I choose to do something for someone else (even if they ask for it) not to expect ANYTHING in return. Not even a "thank you." I am determined not to let this experience taint my view of mankind in general or to persuade me not to help someone in the future. I just have to do good for the sake of doing good, not for anything else.

I have learned that I cannot force someone to see things the way I see them. I have learned that I cannot make someone responsible for their actions, they have to take responsibility. I only have power over me. Why I would think otherwise I guess is a good question. Learning isn't always fun...

Hippie Mom

2009-01-13T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how it happened - but I have made some changes in the last few years. First I got into yoga. I had some back problems after working on our house for several months and I found that yoga dissolved my issues. I love doing yoga I just struggle to find time to do it like I wish I could. One day I think it would be so fun to go to a real class with Bryan Kest. Okay so he is a little weird but his yoga is the best. And yes I think I could handle the guy in person - I'm sure my husband couldn't stand five minutes of the guy. I like him.

Next I think came the eating and cooking without meat. I still break out the beef once in a while but generally my cooking is meat free. I find we feel much better without it and we definitely get more fiber than we did in the past.

The step after that was changing my hygiene products. I now use shampoo, cleanser, hairspray and even toothpaste from all natural sources. No more pesticides or sulfates making their way into my shower regimen. Even most of my makeup is now plant based and cleaner. My skin is much healthier than it ever has been. If you are looking for a good facial cleanser may I recommend the sensitive cleansing gel from www.kettlecare.com I love that they grow their own herbs for their products.

Now the movement is creeping into what I want to wear. I bought a bamboo t-shirt a while back and boy is it soft! I found a web site recently with organic clothing and bamboo clothing (there are quite a few out there) but I must say that I want to buy my clothes from them. I don't ever wear anything too fancy so the styles fit my life. What's next? Well maybe I will break out some tye dye or a do-rag who knows. I won't get into the drug scene or free love so that may be as far as it goes. But the hippie changes have made my life better.

Resolutions or Disallusions?

2009-01-08T21:02:00.001-08:00

Okay, okay, I am a total slacker. I really get into these types of things at the beginning and then I slow way, way down. I am not a resolution type of gal... I just can't get the goal keeping part of the deal. But, I do have a few things I would like to improve this year. Of course eating better and exercising are part of the deal, but I would also like to be a better budget keeper, and memory keeper for my kids. Hmmm... already I can tell it's going to be a start big and never really finish. Oh well.

For Christmas I got a design program and I am loving it! The only problem is that I spend countless hours designing homes... I'm not going to move from the one I've got - so anyone out there want some ideas? I found the table in the picture above and want to put it into one of my design homes. I love the clean lines and modern look with the Lucite... so my style. All it needs is something vintage or antique on top to help it transition into my space. Oh and I guess there's the small matter of a couple of grand for the table...

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-21T17:15:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas is almost here. I am always suprised by how busy this season gets. This year I attempted to make life more smooth by shopping early... ahhh I wish it had worked. Oh well, I am still looking forward to the last few days leading up to the big one.

I can't wait to watch my kids on Christmas morning. It is such an exciting, magical time when they are little.

I have had my little "reality check" moments lately when I realize there are some serious struggles out there. Families without jobs, children with major disabilities and the lonely members of the senior population just to name a few. What a world we live in! I think my Christmas wish this year won't be for world peace but rather just a day of peaceful living for everyone out there. I think if everyone could have just one moment of true, simple peace for just one day that would be miracle enough for me. Merry Christmas All!

An uneventful day

2008-12-05T21:32:00.000-08:00

I keep putting off posting for lack of something interesting to say. I have realized that most of my days are uninteresting and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I am blessed enough to not have any major disturbances in my life and that is a great thing. My days come and go and mostly I do the same things. The differences from day to day are small. However some of those small things are my big things as well. For example: the things my kids do day to day may seem small but they are literally changing right before my eyes. They will be big things in the big picture of my life.

Today I took three kids to the mall to finish up some Christmas shopping. We walked around, found a few items and stood in a long line to make my purchases. While we were waiting my three year old saw some big red dots on the floor that he decided were for jumping on. It was very cute watching him jump and giggle... A woman behind me told me how she actually misses having her children around all the time, even shopping, now that they are grown. When it was finally my turn to pay, my 13 month old pulled a glass jar off of a shelf from his stroller (and here I was worried about the jumping 3 year old) of course it shattered all over the floor. The woman behing me then kindly said, "that part I don't miss so much...we've all been there though." I can already see that even though right now it seems like it will be ages before my kids are big, that I will miss the stages they are in now.

I love being the big thing in their life right now. I am important to them, and even the little things I do matter to them. I'm sure it won't matter too much to them wether or not I go to the gym in a couple of years so I guess for now it's nice that they care. I love watching them play and hearing them talk and giggle. I love having them mess up my stuff and get in my way. I love that they are my little, big things in life.

Getting ready for Christmas

2008-12-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

One of Grandma Jessie's Ornaments

Well, we have officially set our house up for the Holidays. I can't believe how quickly time flies and that it is already this time of year again. Over the weekend we got all of the Christmas stuff out and I must admit, it is a fun time of year.

I have been ambitious and have most of my shopping done already. I did brave the crowds for a bit on Friday... I get a kind of adrenaline rush when I think about going out on that day to shop but then I stand in a line or two and I'm done with it all too soon. I like to shop not stand in ridiculously long and slow lines. I did see a long lost friend while I was out - someone I haven't seen in over 10 years. I am typically slow to cry but just seeing her made me tear up. Good friends are a treasure!

As I said before, we live in Matt's grandmother's home. Not only do we live where she lived but we have some of her furniture, artwork, and for now her Christmas tree and ornaments. I love having decorations that are special in more than one way. I guess I am kind of a sentimental fool after all.

Self taught sewing

2008-11-28T21:47:00.000-08:00

I have been attempting to sew lately... I have NEVER had any classes or lessons and thus it is a little tricky. I have the users manual for my circa 1950 sewing machine and consult it regularly. What I have learned is that being self taught isn't necessarily a good thing. I have probably made more mistakes than anyone in the history of the art and have learned very little...unless you count the obvious like eyeballing the measurements isn't really a good idea.

So...buddy here and I - we self taught ourselves, but we probably shouldn't have. I'm pretty sure I have less oxygen in my brain now than when I started this venture. :)

It's Not Easy Being Green

2008-11-25T11:54:00.000-08:00

Well, the last few days I have spent being sick. It is likely the same yucky bug my kids had last week and it gives me renewed sensitivity to what it is like to be sick. I hate feeling soggy, nauseous and tired. It reminds me of being pregnant. At least this time I can rest easy knowing it will be over in a few days instead of most of a year! Can you imagine being terminally ill? What a difficult road that must be to go down - and it must feel so lonely. I am so grateful to have good health overall.

I recently read "the Last Lecture" so of course being sick makes me recall the things Mr. Pausch went through and I have to ask myself, "have I completed any of my childhood dreams?" The answer - not too many. My biggest childhood dream was to become a famous singer. Now I hardly have any room in my life for singing. My kids come first right now and music is an all or nothing type of pursuit if you want to go big time. So for now that is not going to happen. I did record and album a couple of years ago - 20 copies. My three year old loves it and my husband listens to it from time to time. That's almost as much use as it has had. Matt would like me to record another album - for real this time - not just an hour in a studio with myself and the studio guy. Ahhh - where to find the time, money and the musicians?

Okay so I could count being a mom a completed dream. Oh and owning a house I love. I was always a bit embarrassed by my parents home so it was a big deal to me to get a house I could be proud of. We completely remodeled our current home and I did much of the design work, almost all of the painting and a lot of the tiling. So I am pretty proud of it. I often walk around and think - "wow, I love our house."

I can't think of what my other dreams even where right now. I guess I will have to finish this little task later since the 13 month old is dismantling my kitchen cabinets!

Ahhh ...Friends

2008-11-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

Last night I joined half of the female population of Utah at the movie theater for the premier of "Twilight." Yes - I read all four books and no I'm not in love with Edward Cullen. I think Ms. Meyer is an excellent story teller and the books grabbed my attention but I am hardly a true follower. I was disappointed by the movie - it's like super budget quality with B level actors. I guess nothing can be as good as you imagine it.

The great thing about last night was the opportunity to connect with old friends. Two of my college roommates met me at the theater and we spent a good couple hours after immersed in conversation. How wonderful it is to have good friends! I love that even though our lives have taken us different places, and we don't have the chance to get together that often, that we can reconnect and it is just like we haven't missed a minute of each other's lives.

I love when a friend is a friend regardless of whether you are "on" and can appreciate the things about you when you are at your best, worst, or whatever it may be. I love that we can have such ranging views of life and how it should be lived and still be appreciative of each other and accept each other as we are. I love to just chat about the mundane, the trivial, as well as the big things in life. Thank you to my wonderful friends.

(I wish I had taken a picture but...)

Little Moments

2008-11-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

Three Year Old Feet

I spent most of yesterday and last night up with sick kids. It is amazing to me how something as small as a virus reminds you how fragile life is. Maybe it is seeing those little guys become pale and lethargic, but suddenly I am more tolerant, patient, and kind. I just can't let them feel sick without extra love and attention.

It reminds me of Lonestar's song, "Let Them Be Little", these moments really are fleeting. I wish in some ways that I could freeze them at a certain age (my favorite is three) and yet I don't want to deny them the experiences and opportunities that come as they grow up. If I could somehow capture every little thing they do, cute story they tell, and amusing face they make I could let go easier. I guess that's the idea - learn to let them be little while they are, and then enjoy what comes next without wishing it away either.

So I guess my wisdom learned for today is seize the moment., even if it includes vomit stained clothes...

Today is a new Beginning

2008-11-20T09:06:00.000-08:00

Redfish Lake, Sawtooth Mountains, ID

With all the amazing blogs out there I'm not sure why I am going to the trouble of creating my own. Probably because I am terrible at keeping any sort of a journal - perhaps this will suffice.

One thing is certain, my life thus far has certainly been a journey for me. I learn new things about myself almost everyday. I can't believe how much of my life I have lived already with very little knowledge of who I am and what I am doing here. I would like to think that my life is a contribution to the lives of others in some small way... I hope at least for my children. I hope to chronicle in the next few weeks something of what I have learned, and maybe it will be helpful to others as well. I'm sure I will keep learning and those moments while embarrassing, or difficult for me might prove entertaining for someone outside my present circumstances. So here's to another blog littering up the universal web space...