Oncologist or sell out?

Yesterday I went to visit the Oncologist for the first time since my Mastectomy surgery.  When the Dr. called with my Oncotype test results I let them know that I was probably not interested in having chemotherapy.  Although the Surgeons office sent at least one referral to their office, the Oncologist did not attempt to contact me.  At my family physicians request I finally contacted them.

I was not surprised but disappointed at the reception I received at the Oncologists office.  In speaking to him, he made it clear that he did not like that I had accepted to have the Oncotype test but did not follow through with chemotherapy.  I understand that these are expensive tests used to determine the effectiveness of chemotherapy but it does not say anywhere that by accepting to have that test done that one is required to follow through with suggested therapies.  In fact, it seems that it is a TOOL to help one decide what is most effective.  While I didn't follow through, I don't feel like this was by any means a wasted test, the information is still informative is it not??

I was also disappointed that the Oncologist did not know anything about a local woman who treats cancer patients as a dietitian.  He should have nother to fear as she does NOT advocate avoidance of traditional treatments, in fact she encourages patients to use diet as an adjuvant therapy.  Diet in addition to chemo or radiation or whatever the Oncologist suggests.  Jeanne Wallace is her name and she lives and works in North Logan just a couple of miles from the cancer center.  Because her practice is online she works with and helps cancer patients all over the country.  She also speaks at cancer conventions all over the country.  How can the local "authority" on cancer treatment not know anything about her or her work??  It seems ludicrous to me.  It is common treatment to ease the discomforts of chemotherapy with the modification of diet.  And there are so many studies out there that validate the use of nutrients found in many foods in the actual treatment of cancer.  Don't even get me started on the fact that NO ONE in the medical profession has even talked about diet or what I am doing or trying to do.

It was offensive to me, that while the Doctor used a kind tone of voice and acted like he would look into the use of vitamin D3 or Calcitrol in the treatment of breast cancer (he claimed to have never heard anything of the sort) his body language said something entirely different.  An eye roll and a smirk made me feel like walking out the door.  Once at home, I was able to pull up several references to vitamin D and breast cancer treatment by just typing it in on Google, and several more on youtube.  Here are a couple links. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20156557    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee21LVO8T9A

It is odd that the Dr. is well aware of my hesitation to use pharmacology to treat my breast cancer and yet has nothing else to offer.  I understand that his study focuses mainly on pharmacology but that is not his title it is "Oncologist" which would lead one to believe he studies or studied cancer cells in many different aspects and relationships not just the relationship with drugs.  I have read that Oncologists receive money from drug companies for prescribing chemotherapy.  I hoped our local guy did not buy into this scheme but now I wonder.  Here is a link from a reputable source, the American Caner Society.   How can anyone trust this kind of behavior in a potentially life/death situation for the patient??  http://csn.cancer.org/node/139409

After a discouraging and frustrating appointment I realize that I have to continue to trust God and the guidance he has given me.  I am so grateful for the relationship I have with Him.  I know He gave me the initial desire to forgo the chemotherapy treatment.  Even after diagnosis I never imagined this would be the path I would take, but the guidance I have received from the Lord has been undeniable.  I don't know what will happen.  Even with faith that I am on the right path, that doesn't necessarily mean I won't still have struggles with this. 

Which reminds me, yesterday the Oncologist asked how I came to the decision to not follow through with chemotherapy, and then brushed off my answer.  I distinctly told him it was by faith that I made the decision and that I trust in Heavenly guidance.  He repeated it back as a "gut" feeling.  It was NOT just a gut feeling.  I can accept his denial of a higher power but it is offensive to have my faith down graded to guts. 

I know there I have a loving Father in Heaven who listens to my prayers and answers them.  I have also experienced when the answer isn't what I would expect or necessarily want.  Just last year when we lost our baby, I experienced a different outcome than I would have wanted.  But I know He works in mysterious ways and that my "ways are not His ways."  I trust in Him and know that while everything may not turn out just the way I want, I will by guided and watched over and even carried in all the difficult things I face. Jesus Christ is my friend, my brother and my Savior.  I will follow Him.

Oncotype DX

I am gearing up for my first visit with the Oncologist since my initial surgery to remove the tumors from my breast.  I am a bit anxious about this visit particularly since the last conversation I had with the doctor was over the phone to review the results of the Oncotype DX test.  I know that the Dr. feels strongly about recommending chemotherapy along with Tamoxifen to treat the cancer and I am likely to have to defend my choice not to go through with those treatments.

As I understand it, the Oncotype DX is a test that closely looks at the individual breast tissue sample and analyzes 21 different genes from the sample.  The tests are done three times on the tissue to insure a consistent result.  The lab then returns a document to the doctor with an analysis of the individual cancer cells and genes and the likelyhood that the cancer is agressive and unpredictable enough to predict a recurrance.  The scores are a number from 0 to 100.  The test is used to determine whether chemotherapy should be a recommended course of action for the individual patient.  Only those with a score lower than 31 get a "maybe not" and even those are subjective.  Any score 31 or over gets a strong push for chemotherapy.

The score I believe, is a rate of recurrence that only applies to the next 5 to 7 years.  After that, the test has little predictability. My personal feelings are that while it is very useful to know a "prediction" of recurrence, it is a little overboard to rate any score 31 or higher as "high" and those in between 17 and 31 as "medium" and only those 17 and lower as "low" risk.  I wish they would leave the determination to the patient.  For me maybe only 75 or higher should be considered "high" and for someone else maybe anything over 20 is "high".

So what am I personally doing with this information?  Well, first of all, I am trying not to let it scare me into making any rash decisions.  I have realized that deciding not to follow through with chemotherapy is a decision not made once, but over and over.  I have to take charge of my treatment.  I have to make the choice over and over everyday in what I eat, and what I expose myself to.  My number by the way, is a 48.  So I suppose I have a 48% chance that I will have a recurrence in the next 5 to 7 years.  If I do experience a recurrence, the data shows that it will be more aggressive at that point and difficult to treat.  It is a challenge to repeatedly accept that information and to accept responsibility to live in a way to allow my body to create an atmosphere where it will have what it needs to fight off that 48% chance.

I have repeatedly felt through the Spirit of God, that my choice to follow the alternative path to chemotherapy is the right one for me. It makes it much easier to cope with the anxiety and fear brought on by the medical community that I am not making the best choice, but doesn't eliminate it.  I still have "what if" moments.  Most of all of course is, "what if I have a recurrence in 5 years and have to face death and leaving my family behind?"  In a way I guess that inspires me to live my life more thoughtfully.  I am inspired to be more present for my family, to do more to make each day count and meaningful.  I trust in the Lord above all.  I am sure that even if the "what ifs" come to pass that I am following the path the Lord wants me to take right now.  There is peace in that at least.

The past two days I have spent enjoying the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  What a blessing the conferences of the Church are to me!  I always feel the Spirit of God confirm my beliefs and strengthen them.  I learn ways to be a better person, to love and serve others, and to come closer to God.  I also invariably feel peace and comfort in the trials I happen to be experiencing.

I have been a little bit nervous about the coming of conference since I have had trying experiences shortly after the past two conferences.  Last Spring I discovered the lump in my breast that was later diagnosed as cancer just the night before General Conference. Last October we discovered our baby's heart was no longer beating just a little more than a week after conference.  I would by lying if I didn't say that I was a bit worried about what this conference could bring. 

Luckily, right now I feel at peace.  I'm confident that even if some difficult thing does pop up in the next couple of weeks, I know the Lord will help me through it. So today I will just enjoy the many blessings that are mine.  I have three wonderful growing boys to love and try to guide and teach.  I have an amazing husband who continues to love, serve and support me each and every day.  We live in a beautiful home that grounds us through my husband's family as it originally belonged to his maternal grandparents.  We live in a wonderful community full of people who are good and kind and caring.  I am blessed each day more than I can count.